The Lord in his good and perfect grace saved me in August 2002. It was around six months after my conversion that I felt the Lord put a call on my life to minister his word. Just like Moses I felt like “God you have got the wrong man.” Remember God met Moses at the burning bush in Exodus 3 & 4 informing Moses of the task at hand. All Moses wanted to do was come up with reasons why he could not do them. Moses got to speak with Jehovah through a bush, as for me He actually showed me in dreams what I was supposed to do. Due to the circumstances surrounding my life I constantly feel like a failure, or feel like I am inadequate to accomplish any goal. In my life whether at work or at church I am the outsider and very rarely listened to because I feel they think I lack authority. Just as Moses felt like an outsider while in Egypt, he was a Jew raised in the palace. He was never treated like any other Jew, by either side.
I think I get looked at like a child especially in my church because my education is not up to par with others in my community or life stage. However Moses did not have that problem because he was raised in the palace of the Pharaoh, and he was highly educated. I have offered before to lead a small group or to help assist or even teach a Sunday school class, but I have never received a second look from my leadership. So this makes me feel extremely insecure, like” Okay Lord did I hear you correctly.” The only thing that keeps me going to pursue my dream and goal in spite of everything is trusting that the Lord is in control. “And I am the God who made you with your limitation. I want to use you despite your limitation so that you will bring glory to Me.” (CF pg 67) My hearts cry is to bring glory to Jesus with all that I do in my life! In starting these classes I pray that he will be glorified in my work .My biggest fear is that I will screw up. I have been saying for so long how I feel called to His work, and here is my chance to show people that this is what I was made to do. I pray I don’t screw up and ruin the testimony of Jesus Christ.
Right now at this stage of my life I am travelling in the wilderness. I have been out of work for close to two months now, just started attending school, while living in my mothers’ house with my family. On top of everything I live my life day to day feeling like I have few friends, no money, and unfit to be alive some days. But there is comfort in knowing that the Lord has made the promise “For the Lord your God is a merciful God. He will not leave you or destroy you or forget the covenant with your fathers that he swore to them.” (Deut 4:31 ESV) So trusting that the word of the Lord is true I know that where I am right now is not where he is going to leave me. Because “Despite all the difficulties, it was there in the wilderness that God’s greatest blessings came” (CF pg 72) And holding fast to the words of Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”[1] So just like Moses I hope to lead God’s people well, remain in his presence and always pursue His will. May we all be like Christ in the garden in praying “And he said “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.”[2]
[1]The Holy Bible : English standard version. 2001 (Ro 8:28). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.
[2]The Holy Bible : English standard version. 2001 (Mk 14:36). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.
Courageous Faith : Dr Ed Hindson
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