Forgiveness in Humility

I can only speak for myself and the struggles that i face in my walk with the Lord. I cannot yet use the word was when i refer to being proud, because I still am. Jesus has pointed somethings out to me even in the last several hours. Pride can take many forms whether it is us being boisterous about something in our lives, say an accomplishment, a family member or whatever it may be. The Lord showed me that my pride lies in my self reliance, I can say with words all day long I am trusting in God. Until I make my heart line up with my mouth then it's pride. I am speaking in faith however hoping Jesus will provide in that area of need. The Lord in his word tells us "if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land." (2 Ch 7:14 ESV)

I know for me I struggle in my prayer life and He has shown me today its because i am proud. How many of us are as proud but not willing to admit to it so we can change and have others pray for us to change? Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. (Pr 16:18 ESV) I was proud without even realizing it because i would not pray as i needed to, he tells us to seek his face or to be before him consistently, "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." (Php 4:6 ESV). Charles Spurgeon once said " The more we pray, the more we shall want to pray. The more we pray, the more we can pray. The more we pray, the more we shall pray. He who prays little will pray less, but he who prays much will pray more. And he who prays more, will desire to pray more abundantly." This is a place that I struggle and hope to improve upon vastly. The Lord also tells us to turn from our wicked ways which means we need to repent and he will forgive us. In our repenting we must make sure we do so in belief in Jesus and our forgiveness will allow us entracne into heaven. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 Jn 1:9ESV).
So let us look to the man who was the most humble to ever live as our example. Christ Jesus! "And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross." (Php 2:8 KJV). When he was accused of being God he stayed silent because what they spoke was the truth and he took the punishment for us. "He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter,and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth. (Is 53:7 ESV). He was willing to pray even up to moments before he was betrayed, seeking the father and doing the will of him who sent him were his joys. I long to make them mine as well.

Father God will you forgive me for i knew not that I was proud and unfaithful in my lack of prayer. Will you give me the strength I need to live my life for your glory and to seek your face daily not only through reading your word but thinkng less of myself and seek you more earnstly.

Amen.

Utter Despair

It's amazing how we take our lives and the things in which we are going through and never bother to look around at the people near us or even"I lift up my eyes to the hills.From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord,who made heaven and earth." (Ps 121:1-2 ESV). I know for me life has been a challenge from my marriage to my kids, my job, even sometime living life itself, but in my challenges I'm in good company. As I walk with the Lord certain areas of my life seem to run a little more smoothly, but I still battle depression. Through my depression I have learned to ask questions. There are times however I wish that I had never been born there are two men in the Bible that had the same feeling Job (Job 3:1) and Jeremiah "Woe is me, my mother, that you bore me, a man of strife and contention to the whole land! I have not lent, nor have I borrowed, yet all of them curse me." (Je 15:10 ESV). I have these feelings around the same points in my life like these brothers have as well. Job has just lost everything his wife has told him to curse God and die he had three friends show up and sit with him for seven days. (Job 2:9 &13). Now as for a buddy Jeremiah he was having a problem with the state of the world at that time. As I look around at the condition of not only our country but our world I long to cry out to God. I see folks like myself that cannot afford health ins. Our economy that is supposed to be getting better shows me and those like me no signs of strengthing. AIDS is leaving more and more orphans all over but in Africa especially. In India children are being abandoned because their parents cannot afford to raise them so they live and work on the streets scraping by. C.H. Spurgeon once said " I remember the time when I dared not go to sleep, for fear I might wake up in hell.

Even the greatest man in the history of the world face his own level of despair. Christ in the garden said these things "saying, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” ⁴³ And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him. ⁴⁴ And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground. (Lk 22:42-44 ESV). Christ has shown us the best response that we can have in our times of despair, we must pray more earnestly & he was obedient even until death(phil 2:8). So when we pray we are expecting to hear from God and while we wait on his response we should do what we know we must until we are told other wise.

The one thing which we must remember is that Christ has given us victory. He is our Christus Victor : "And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, ¹⁴ by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. ¹⁵ He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him." (Col 2:13-15 ESV). So every time depression, despair, or sorrow want to attack you; remember that Christ has won and we have won in him. He has brought you through so many things before just think back and praise him for what He is doing and what He has done. To Jesus be all glory and honor and praise.

Perplexed

Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. 14 For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. (Mt 7:13-14 ESV).

Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
(Mt 11:29-30 ESV).

Now the Lord is funny as a began to write this entry he showed me the answer to some questions I had about the above scripture references. The first reference is about our ability to enter heaven, and that the gate being Jesus is narrow because he is the only way. (John 14:6) So many people nowadays want to say that there are mulitple ways to heaven. But Jesus himself says he is the only way.C. H. Spurgeon once said " I will have no complicity in that atrocious treason against God's Word which leads men to believe that they may perhaps seek and find him in another state. I believe that of all falsehood that ever were preached, this is the most dangerous, and likely to do the most hurt to men's souls."

And it amazes me in our country today so many people are screaming tolerance, yet when we talk of Christ we are hated on and treated with intolerance. Then again I should not be surprised because the Lord told us that we would be hated and despised on his account.

If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. 19 If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. 20 Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. 21 But all these things they will do to you on account of my name, because they do not know him who sent me. (Jn 15:18-21 ESV)

And sometime through this intolerance we can feel stressed out and not even realize it. By this stress we often forget all that Jesus went through in his life. When we have obligations we dont want to fulfill we get stressed out, when our kids keep on going with the yelling and playing, when we just cant get along with our spouse. Jesus had the weight of the world thrust upon him because of an ungreatful people. US.

Then he tells us to take his yoke upon ourselves because he is humble and lowly of heart. If that comment came from anyone else it would be considered as pride. Have you ever felt burdened to love Jesus. after you took up that yoke. I know anytime I have struggled to follow him was due to my own sin, I am not going to sugar coat it. There have been times in my life where I have chosen to flat out rebel against God even after confessing Jesus is Lord. But also the times where I have chosen to serve Jesus over myself have been the most joyful, but also rather difficult due to the opposition. We were never told the road would not have challanges, but we would beable to bear it due to Christ.

If you do not know this Jesus, confess your sins and your need of a savior. Believe that he was born of a virgin, lived a sinless life, was crucified, died and was buried, resurrected on the third day, and asscended to the right hand of the father.

Broken Down

In our lives we set out with our own goal and ambitions. We are willing to set out and seek them with a baltent disreguard for everything and everyone else. We not only allow this to happen for our life goals but also our day to day schedules. I know that i am not perfect and set forth a plan for my day, & want it to go accordingly. This is honestly one of the largest areas of sin in my life because when my day doesn't go the way i feel it should I begin to feel furious. The Lord however my have other plans for me through that day.

When I began writing this entry (eight hours ago or more lost count) I had a whole different direction I intended on taking this. The scriptures that jumped out to me this day almost pictured God as a Drill SGT in the marines. Because when you come in you have your own way of thinking but, you get introduced to this person who shows you all of your faults, then teaches you how to make them into strengths. God took a man who could not speak actually had a pretty bad speach impediment and sent him to Pharoh and used him to lead the people of Isreal. Or how about when you come to boot camp you are rather weak, however through the process you get stronger because you have had to use muscles you never knew existed in your body. Well that is like our faith in Jesus when we first accept him as our Lord and Savoir we have no idea how to persue life, so he teaches us. That first trial shows up, for me someone went into my car and took almost $900 worth of photography gear, now we have a choice to fall back to our old life or believe that the Lord will provide. Especially since I had to have a camera for my classes. Then we grow stronger and our faith becomes stronger. All I am really trying to say is we never know where Jesus is going to take us, and it can be a little difficult to want to trust him but he is the master on the pottery wheel, we just need to be a little more pliable. So please do not look at one another and question what Jesus is doing in them because he has something special in store for all of us.

Beloved recieve the gift of God which is eternal life only given by the sacrifical death of his son Jesus Christ, who was born of a virgin. Lived a sinless life, was crucified on a cross, died and was buried, but on the third day was resurrected. He now lives at the right hand of the Father, confess your sins to Jesus and have that new life today.

But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, “Why have you made me like this?” 21 Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for dishonorable use? 22 What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, 23 in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory— 24 even us whom he has called, not from the Jews only but also from the Gentiles? (Ro 9:20-24 ESV).

And the vessel he was making of clay was spoiled in the potter’s hand, and he reworked it into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to do. (Je 18:4 ESV).

Providence

Well lets see today i thought we were going to give Lucy back to the Chesapeake animal control. That didnt happen. God chose to use his providence and taught me somethings on my ride home with Lory, Richard, & Lucy. He reminded me that everything worth having takes work. Like my marriage, my kids, and my future career path. He also took me back to the story of Joseph in the pit his brothers wanted to see harm befall him but the Lord had other plans. It allowed Joseph to become the leader of Egypt only second to the Pharoh.

So maybe Lucy can turn things around & be the dog our family is looking forward to having. Also i might need to learn a little more perserverance in the end, while helping my family with the stress of another knuckle head. The Lord is always good and he has good things in store for us at least i hope so.

For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.
(Ro 8:24-30 ESV).

Joy from Pain

There are times i want to run and hide, but i cannot hide because what scares me lives inside. It has taken root and tries to grow. I try not to feed it but starve it instead, but it keeps growing larger im not sure how it gets fed. I lay down closing my eyes pretending it can see me, I know its still there waiting to devour me. Confused and affraid i cry out to God, help me please save me, wondering does he hear me?

If he does i dont know it have i done something wrong why wont he save me, i thought this was home was this where i belong? I look out into the night now there is a figure coming towards me its hard to make out, the fog is not in my eyes but my mind. He speaks gently calling my name telling me to follow him away from the pain. As we walk farther the fog begins to lift I realize who is walking with me, it the Fathers' precious gift. The Son is my guide whom i must follow for light. He felt more pain, shame and dispear on that day, so i can have joy after tonite.

Better day

Yesterday was a rough day but the Lord in his goodness got me through. Today has been a better day rough @ chuch w/ Ethan but he did better in sunday school. We had a good lunch of steaks & potatoes. Then we decided to go over to the inlaws & go swimming. I was to much of a wuss the water was way to cold for ME! Ruffin had a good sermon today, talking about the way we worship @ Westminster. That we should not just come to church to be refilled but to be recharged. Jesus is good in so many ways I wish i could fathom them all.

The beautiful life

It is amazing how God can create such beauty, & we just keep going about our lives never taking the time to see what is right in front of us! Its even more curious how we try to impose our rules for living on Jesus. Take for example the phareses when Jesus healed the man w/ the withered hand on the sabbath. In Mark 2:27-28 Jesus tells us the sabbath was created for man not the other way aroundl So Take time back from all those things trying to stop u & enjoy life. Live hard, Pray hard, Die well.

Preach

Blessed

I have to say that i am blessed and highly favored of the Most High God. I have a wife who wants to be a Godly mother and wife it is a struggle but she hasnt given up. I have 2 Great sons whom i love with all my heart. No matter how i behave toward them sometimes i love them dearly. My wife has a difficult jobs being with the boys all the time its very demanding, but she handles it well. Lory may not be superwoman, but she is my wonder woman.

Life & Death

I never thought life would be like this. For me i have had to fight for most of what i got, now i feel like everytime i turn around i am struggling for something. Keeping my home life up, spending time with my family, paying bills, getting used to the new job. To some people this may be easy, for me its easier said than done. The smallest of luxuries can cause conflict in my marriage and the smallest of statements. I will be happy once i get used to the new work schedule.

Both of the boys are growing so quickly, and i will miss some pretty big moments of Richard's but somebody has to work. I hope i made the right decession about this job. Lord please help i feel a sense of dispair and need you i am so low now i could let go and come home. I feel like a child right now instead of a husband or father its more like a failure.

Its been a while

I know it has been a while but life happens and keeps you from doing all the things you would normally want to do. The boys are getting so big i cant believe that Richard is going to be 1 in several months Ethan is learning so much he is going to be in school before we know it. I am going to be starting a new job next week and i am very excited, it will be a change mostly evening hours and saturdays but the best part i get SUNDAYS OFF. Lory and i are slowly starting to do better we are going away next weekend just the two of us for our anniversary and it should be nice. One downside to the new job is i will not be able to go to mens group anymore and i am going to miss meeting with that group of guys. The Lord knows what i need when i need it and he will continue to provide for me.

Another Late Nite

Here it is another late nite unable to sleep. The baby has been stirring  so i got him back to sleep. I want to sleep so bad but my mind is refusing to let me stop. It keeps pushing and saying your not tired. I want to make it to the mens breakfast at church but the way things are looking that might not happen AGAIN. I miss having friends to talk to on a regular basis. Wendall never answers his phone any more, and i just dont seem to have anyone else i can talk with on a frequent basis.  I have my wife and i love her but there are times its her i need to talk about and my mother is willing to listen but, i wish there was someone else some of the time. 

I wonder if i am a horrible Christian man. we all make mistakes and we just need to ask forgiveness of our sins and have a repentant heart. I think the devil is trying to tear me down since my mind is in a weakened state. I must always remember that i will continue to sin until the return of Christ. It does not meant that i should sin to receive more grace, but that when i sin there is sufficient grace to forgive me, and i should strive for sanctification.  Because there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus who paid the cost for me at Golgotha. 

Blurry Eyed

Sleepless nites filled with day dreams. It seems that all i have are the simpler things. I thank the Lord for the days that have passed. and pray and ask for strength to run the race, i sometimes lose my place because the pace gets to hectic. I know i am still his, even though i dont call like i should i think about him all the time. My older brother, you have got to love him he stepped up for me and took what my daddy had coming for me. I mean it was brutal the way he let those boys beat him down, steal his clothes and impale him with a crown. Then when i thought it couldn't get any worse he was made to carry a cross from the city to a hill. I could never imagine the pain that he would feel when those spikes pierced his flesh and his shoulder was ripped away, the worst part of all is when daddy looked away. The sky went black and the curtain ripped was torn. My older brother hung his head with this to say " It is Finished . " And now all i can say is i love him and can't wait to see him again. He will return in glory and there will be hell to pay.

Hello World

I have chosen to blog to give my mind room to grow. I have needs and wants and no where to go. Im limited to being who you think i am when i am so much more. So i have created this if you want to enter feel free to come In My Mind.